Here we go...
As the painful years have continued on, we have begun to see glimpses of our new future. A landscape painting of the fucked up and exploited. If you're reading this, the likelihood is high that you are going to be one of the exploited. The one's committing the fucked up actions would never take interest in me anyway...
But as we have been fully demontrated for the past several decades, government no longer has interest in us, the individuals. The citizens that lined their greedy pockets, and the corporations fill them in exchange of deepthroating their goals. The other day I was in the heart of one of the most corrupt cities in America, one where tax havens do housewarming for the rich and powerful. Banks towering high, their shadows inducing a feeling of overwhelming control and leaving you in the dark. Even seeing them above their oppressive dark castings, you can feel their presence. They are not even the kings and queens to our world, they are the gods. Bob Page would probably get a half chub walking the streets... This may go down the path of preaching, but fuck it, it's my blog.
Now that we know the real enemy, how do we fight back? I don't have much hope we can, but we can protect ourselves. As long as we keep our liberties and freedoms, we can prevent our lives from being taken into slavery against the system itself. Our amendments in America are as they are, ours. They belong to us, the people. So when some retarded blowhard says we need to lock down on speech, they become the enemy to us. Freedom overwhelms all. Liberties give us the tools to do what we want and need. The path to freedom, especially in technology, is in open source software/networking/hardware/etc. Whatever give us the power is what we should take to arm.
Social Media that doesn't collect data and is crowd funded, this will keep our communities together without risk of exploitation. Smartphones that are made open source and you can fix yourself gives you abilities and powers to communicate and manage our digital lives. Privacy focused tools (VPN's, Proxies, Encryption, etc.) can protect our communication lines and give us the backrooms we need to organize and collaborate.
We are living in an age where the people have more tools and abilities than our forefathers did, the choice is up to us to use them. Joey Coco Diaz once said you don't need a thousand friends, you just need three tight friends and you can take over a fucking country. Please understand, this is not a call for insurrection or rebellion, this is a reminder of your freedoms the choice to make them. Joey Bada$$ once said in Mr.Robot that existence can be beautiful or it can be ugly. I am only in desire to preach the beauty that can be attained.
Been a while since I made one of these, huh? Well, guess I have a lot of ground to cover for you. Rest assured, I'm fine. I mean, as fine as others are getting on i guess. But from tonight's stream, I felt compelled to write a more thorough rant of my complications regarding my situation on how I've been financially able to sustain myself and do the streams everyday so far...
For almost an entire year, I've been on unemployment benefits. Some people may have reservations against that, but I don't really care. I know the person I am, and I know the desperate times we've been encountering in the US. I don't need to explain myself to the moral pedestal builders. They never truly care about you, anyway. Before I got on benefits, before the COVID-19 nonsense, I was a hard working wage cuck like the rest of the American working class. My work schedule was grueling, to say the least. My manager would always set my hours to all 24 of them within the day, 5 days a week, two days off (even though the first day off I would spend sleeping to get my sleep schedule back in order for the next workday.), and despite my requests to re-assign my hours, they didn't listen. They kept replying "We'll have more help soon..." for almost 3 months before I said "fuck this" and started looking for alternative work. Once I secured a job, I handed in my two week notice, and the exact same day I get a phone call from my boss's boss. He proceeded to tell me how if I had a problem with the work hours, I should've told them. I explained to the gas lighting asshole, politely (despite what I truly felt), that I did raise the issue several times over the many months of my new schedule, and his response was "Well, that was my staff's job to tell me."
It's amazing how so many people who bother to learn how to run a business (with actual effort is up for debate) can never fully admit their mistakes, even when you're talking to the ex-employee on the phone. His voice still pisses me off... You can hear the dollar bills folding and shifting in his throat. These people, despite their responsibilites, just simply don't care about you. I'm not asking them to be family, I'm asking them to be my boss. But I guess everybody has a different interpretation as to what that duty entails.
When I decided to turn the new chapter, I felt as if I had full control on my life now. I truly felt like, for once in my depressing and overruled existence, that I gained the control I desired. Then... well... you know.
After the most over-hyped pandemic happened, as everybody was caught up in the excitement we were all going to FINALLY die, the new job fell through and I had to move out of my apartment. I had to move back to my father's house, and then wait... I got my unemployment benefits, my stimulus check, and after I gave a good portion of it to my father for supporting me in my hardship, I moved back and got my apartment back. I kept collecting my benefits while, before my streaming started, I was looking for work. But due to the dependence of the local tourism industry, nobody was hiring. Then the new customer service practice of drive-by pickup, jobs just kept getting thinner and thinner. Everything from food service, retail, customer service, all of it was just harder to come by. I kept sending my applications out, kept calling managers, kept asking for an opening, and nothing. It was soul crushing, the idea that despite my best efforts, my life just had to be put on hold because of how the world decided to fuck everyone over.
It was everyone fucking over the people that didn't matter... Corporations, governments, everybody in a higher position of power decided to tell everyone "Hey, you need to completely shift your way of life, but we're not gonna pay you for it. At least, not yet... Give us over half a year to get back to you." I'm sorry, but when some dick head politician says "Get a job as an essential worker tomorrow then" while he's wearing an expensive watch and three piece suit, it makes me want to fucking punch his lights out. They know nothing about us, nor would they actually care to learn about our hardships. They pretty themselves up for the TV, act relatable, and then go back to their mansions or penthouses. It was then, at this moment, the revelation that came too late has been brought to me...
It doesn't matter how straight you walk the line, how hard you try to be a functioning member of society, to bite the bullet everyone else does, just so you can have your little corner of the earth. Eventually, like to everyone, you will get fucked over. Even by something that, by sane minds could be under control without people dying or going homeless, is completely not in your power to adapt to as a regular citizen. There is no such thing as the "Real World" as the authority tells us, mostly it's by people who use that term to excuse their shitty/abhorrent behavior and treat you like a child even though you're old enough to drink yourself to death.
Welcome to the world, it's not real anymore. We threw out that feature a long time ago...
I know, I know... Long time since my last blog post. I just didn't have anything I thought was good to write down and anything else I felt that was good I hit a wall.
There's a reason I don't like setting goals I know I won't adhere to. But I decided I should type up a couple thoughts that has been bugging me for a while.
In January, I made the choice to stop using Windows 10 and move to Linux. The migration has been very good for me and found myself using GIMP and Kdenlive more for my projects. I've had problems with Windows for a long time since Vista, (never forget Vista, you bastards) and these feelings only got stronger since then. I just never liked how shitty the operating system was getting. But it wasn't until my moment of clarity that I realize "Okay, why did I buy this operating system for my already expensive custom rig when they collect my data and just keep breaking the software?". It just felt incredibly user hostile to use and exploitative on top of that. Microsoft as a company itself is dogshit anyway, fucking over the user base and trying to buddy up with Linux users as if they'll just accept them with welcome parties. Fuck that noise, cancerous corpo cum connoisseurs.
The thing that has been making me very fearful in recent years is the growing anti-freedom of speech morons who want to kill the ceo of racism. That's not how it works. You can't arrest people for the things that they say. You can socially outcast them, that's a social consequence though. LEGAL consequences are a big no no. You give government whores the inch to combat their critics, they will want the yard stick to spank your ass with it. Don't give up your freedoms just because you can't understand how to escape your shitty social bubble. The "feels over reals" cocksmokers really do bug me because they argue they are for FoS, but... Right there, that but, if you hear that in that kind of discussion, it is bullshit. Don't take what they say seriously at that point. Freedom of Speech is an absolute, it protects your liberties to criticize institutions and government. It's what protects you and what you say. But my fears came from the growing problem of america's allies taking in hate crime laws that you have to take context out of what people say just to have a legal argument. People's lives have been destroyed by this, or at the very least has been fined for something as stupid as a joke. If you're one of those people that rule in favor of oppressive legislation, just understand we know what you're doing. We know the mental jungle gyms you go through to justify that. You don't want to protect minorities or whomever the fuck you cry. You want to silence the mean people on the internet you don't like. Keep licking those boots, you'll get the cracks underneath them soon enough if they actually go through with that kind of oppressive dogshit in the states.
"The choice for mankind lies between freedom and happiness and for the great bulk of mankind, happiness is better." - 1984
Now that I'm not longer feeling absolutely terrible, I am now able to focus on the site again.
On the 20th of this month, I have obtained a couple packages, but the most important one being my own x220 ThinkPad.
A wonderful machine, even better in such amazing condition. The keyboard feels almost brand new, the screen is in great shape, no screws are missing...
Hell, I'm typing up this blog post with this new cute machine. The x220's are pretty portable, this model in particular sports an i5-2520M Dual Core at 2.5GHz.
Not extremely powerful, but I didn't buy it to play vidya gaymes on the move. I bought it for the ability to work on the site anywhere, but also easily repairable.
I was able to take this machine apart and put it back together again in half an hour without any rushing. Lenovo even publishes the service manual for it openly in case you want to fix it yourself.
Unfortunately, this machine is considered the last "good" thinkpad. Understandable, but goddamn, more laptops should be built like this. But no, everything has
to be so thin you have to glue components together. I'm looking at you Apple, your devices are as shitty as your workers rights ethics.
But anyways, yesterday I finished the game Quake, on stream, for the very first time. After having some time to reflect on it, it doesn't really play like a game that I'd find replayable. It's an important game that brought the industry to full 3D rendering, setting a massive bar for others to meet. It even justified to everyone to purchase a graphic accelerator card for their machines to enjoy the full experience of GLQuake. But with all that, Quake, even with it's impressive level design, soundtrack, art style, the actual core gameplay feels moderately forgettable. There's only about 3 scenes in the game I can recall with ease, the rest of the game is either a slog or brutal. The most annoying part of Quake is having to use noclip after I've collected all the runes but lose them due to saving and reloading my game. It's really frustrating, but whatever. The music has a lot of memorable tracks, my favorite being the intro track. The intense, balls-to-the-wall vibe it has while it's being chewed by distortion sets the tone for the entire game. Just absolutely wonderful.. I might try the multiplayer on the side as well though. Hell, might even run my own Quake server to Deathmatch with viewers. That'd be neat.
Wasn't feeling so good for the past few days, mostly exhausted. I never was good at maintaining any kind of
pace when it came to doing things creatively. I'm just a mess in general when it comes to responsibilities.
I don't like being obligated to do anything, only when I'm actively interested in it do I feel I put any form
of effort into it. Hence why the website looks like it's actually designed to have some form of style and
personality. I never liked being told "Oh you have a tag in a weird place here" or "I bet it would look
better if you put that element here", because most of the time it comes off as either pretentious or just
simply annoying. It's not that I don't want criticisms or suggestions to improve upon my work, I'm always open
to that kind of stuff. Especially if it involves serious formatting errors with how it looks on different devices.
But if it's something as stupid as "That JC Denton quote would be better smaller", I only do it so they can shut
I started smoking again... I know, I know. Not good for my health and expensive. But it's a nice stress reliever and the nicotine helps me think. I used to vape quite a bit to not completely fuck up my lungs, but vape liquids have gotten harder to get in my area due to annoying laws. Politicians have this uncanny ability to make issues out of nothing at the service of the tobacco industry. It's fucking incredible to me. They keep fucking over people and they are under the illusionary idea that they won't face any form of backlash. The french monarchy thought they were safe too...
Well, first post, and the previous "first post" didn't exactly work well. I'm always such a mess when it
comes to these kinds of things. But I really wanted to make something jot some things down on how I feel with
the stream, anything that comes to mind, or just simple updates going on. Not making promises of this being
concurrent. Daily is out of the question, I'm either too busy or too lazy. But I definitely want to do
something with this blogging project that I, aptly, named "Frog Blog".
Well, I'm always up for anything new at least.